December 19, 2019

I Survived My First Semester of Law School!!!!

I think that sentence deserves a round of applause and a round or 3 of drinks, don’t you?

If you have been following along on here or on Instagram you know that this semester has been a rollercoaster and that there were times when I really thought “why I was I doing this?”

Why did I come to law school? Was I good enough to be here? Did I deserve it? Should I stay? What was the point? Was all of the pain and struggling worth it? And so many other questions.

Well now I can say that the answers to those questions are because it’s what I’ve dreamed of and said I would do for so long, and now I was finally doing it. Yes, I deserve it, I should stay and that the point was to help me fulfill my goals of becoming a lawyer and to allow me to better myself and my community. And finally, yes all of the pain and struggles and ups and downs; they’re a pain in the butt, they’re exhausting, they’re draining, they’re debilitating, but they’re real and they mean I’m a human living my life to the best of my abilities and I am being given the opportunity to continue growing and learning so I can be better. For myself and those around me.

Law school is hard. Moving 3 states away is hard. It’s an adjustment. Meeting new people, learning how to live in a new city, getting a routine down it’s all a big learning curve. Learning how to learn a whole new language (law) and how to think in a whole new way, yeah it’s hard. But these challenges are put in place to test you and to push you to grow so you can strive to be the best lawyer you can be. Also millions of people have done it before me and millions will do it after me so it’s possible and I’m gonna do it, even if it means a lot of blood, sweat and tears will be shed.

And boy were there tears. I think I cried almost once a week, often more than that, sometimes even multiple times a day.

But through this experience I have learned so much about myself and that is why I am crying happy tears as I write this.

I was telling a friend a little while ago as I thanked him for being my friend and wishing him a safe trip home for break that I am so proud of us for getting through this semester but also that I am really proud of myself. For how far I have come in just 3 1/2 months.

I thought 2017 and 2018 were my turning point years, that I had learned everything I needed to learn about myself and that I had grown so much and matured and become a better person. And I did. But I had no idea what was yet to come.

Now I can say that I am truly proud of myself. Of course there are days where I wish I could have been nicer or moments where I regret something I said or did but overall I am really proud of who I’m becoming. Of the woman that I am growing up to be.

And I wouldn’t be able to say that had I not gone to law school.

I think if there is one word to sum up this year for me, and this semester especially it’s RESILIENCE. It’s a word that has been said to be several times this semester by my school’s administration, faculty and my friends. And it is a word that means more to me than growth and maturity and experience ever will.

I am proud of how resilient I am. I’m a little, okay a lot overdramatic at times, and I’m a bit of a hot mess, and I may cry, scream, blow everything out of proportion, be angry for however long it takes me to blow off steam and process it but then I bounce back and come back stronger every time.

My ability to roll with the punches no matter how hard they hit me or how nasty of a bruise they leave behind is truly remarkable.

And I wouldn’t have been able to do it without the guidance and friendship of the people around me. I have met some seriously amazing friends here in law school and I honestly don’t know how I could have gotten through this semester without them. I don’t know if they read this but if they do, they know who they are.

My resilience in law school has been no different. I haven’t performed as best as I would have liked always this semester, and I’ve learned to be ok with not so great days or performances on a paper or exam, or on a cold call. It means I am still teachable and open to learning. I would let it get me down but everyone around me would say not to worry about it because I’ll do better the next time. And I would argue and say no I’m wouldn’t because of x, y and z reason. And I realized I was just making excuses.

I really want to work on not making so many excuses in 2020 and not being so negative. But I also want to work on being unapologetically myself.

Because if there is anything resilience has taught me this semester is that the people who really care and really matter in your life and who truly want the best for you will be there no matter what. And you just have to keep swimming like Dory says because better days are coming.

I truly thought some days I wouldn’t stop crying and things wouldn’t get better, but guess what they did. I just had to change my mindset. I had to forgive those who hurt me and close that door and move forward with my life. I had to learn that one bad test day doesn’t define me and that there was more to me than what people see and think and hear.

Resilience has gotten me through some really tough times and it motivates me for my future because I know I can handle anything that is thrown in my direction because I’m a strong, independent, fiesty, Latina future lawyer and because that’s who I am meant to be.

They say that the first semester of law school is the hardest and if it was then I know I’ll be able to handle the next semester with ~ ease.

I know there will be more tough days ahead, academically, professionally, socially and emotionally but I know with the right people in my life and with the right mindset I can get through anything.

If you’re considering going to law school and have any specific or just general questions please do not hesitate to ask me, I would love to be a resource for prospective law students.

This blog has been a seriously amazing outlet for me this semester, even if it was just a beauty post or if it was a deep, emotional one because it provided me with a way to express how I was feeling at times when I didn’t think any one cared. So if you ever feel that way, in life or during law school know that you are not alone and that I am always here.

I truly cannot be more proud of myself and how far I have come this semester and year and of the woman I am becoming, and I cannot wait for the next year and decade to see what’s in store for me because I know it’s gonna be amazing!

This post has been really long and rambling since I’m in the feels on my flight back home to Miami and I’m sure my neighbors on the plane would really appreciate if I stopped sobbing but hey I’m an emotional person and I cry for just about anything, good or bad, happy or sad, so oh well. I really hope that this post has been helpful and inspiring and comforting or anything you needed it to be.

I cannot wait to continue sharing my law school experience with you all on here, and be sure to follow me on all socials to see more of my day to day life.

Now I’m off to catch a few snoozes before I land so I can be refreshed and ready to go on my vacation tomorrow. Any guesses where I’m headed??

Thanks for reading!

xo Kayla