Mental Health in Law School

September 30, 2019

Happy Monday morning and happy last day of September!

Yeah, read that again, it’s crazy to me that tomorrow is October, anyone else? Part of me is happy because I love fall and I can’t wait to experience seasons for real but also that means the semester is almost half way done and midterms and finals are nearing.

Today’s post is going to be a little deeper than my usual posts, so please bear with me.

If you have been reading my blog for a while or have gone back to the beginning you have read that I have struggled in the past with learning to accept my past and learning to love myself flaws and all, and I have come a long way since those posts and especially those dark days that inspired them. But being in a high stress environment like law school has resurfaced some of those feelings and I think its really important to take a moment to discuss them here.

The last few weeks have been difficult to say the least, my emotions, my sense of overwhelm and my body have been telling me to relax and take a step back and refocus but I felt like there was no time.

They say law school is hard, and it is don’t get me wrong but the most difficult part I’ve noticed is making time for yourself and your emotions. Your brain is the most important organ in your body. If your brain is worn out and stressed and foggy, you won’t be your best self in and out of the classroom and that’s no good. Never forget to take time to recenter and refocus yourself at least once a week.

Find an activity or hobby that is fun and helps you do so. Mine are blogging on here and dance, and reading a book if I’m relaxing at home. Having these activities really help me decompress from the craziness that is law school.

Just because you’re in law school doesn’t mean you can or should just ignore those feelings because you don’t really have the time to deal with them. Always remember to take a me day.

But back to the last few weeks. Friday was the culmination of all of those feelings and emotions, which is why there was no Weekly Recap last week. I finally broke down and let it all out. My fears, my anxiety, what I’ve been struggling with and my pain.

I do a pretty decent job of leaving time in the evenings and weekends to sleep in or take a hot bath or relax on my own but my usual methods weren’t working.

I would talk to my friends daily about how I was feeling but the emotions still bubbled under the surface and in class on Friday I cracked when someone said the word resilience.

If you know me or have read this blog all the way back you may know that I haven’t had an easy go at life and the word resilience resonates with me on a deeper level.

I do a really good job of pretending I’m ok and everything is fine, even when its not because I don’t want to burden my friends with my problems or feelings anymore than my usual daily freakout but inside I was struggling the last few weeks. I have always been someone who feels things in my core and the feelings affect my psyche and my mood and just everything. And I was really starting to feel lost and a little numb. I was going through the motions of life and school. And at this point in my life I can’t afford to. So it was time to look inward and reflect and talk it out.

My friends knew I had had it rough the last few weeks so luckily they gave me grace and helped me out the best they could but no one knew how bad it really was, even me.

So please never think that your feelings and emotions and thoughts and overwhelm and anxiety should be dealt with alone. Find someone to talk to, even a faculty member. That’s what I did.

I shared in my last post that I am now friends with our Interim Dean of Students after my accident, so after class on Friday I went up to him and asked if sometime the following week we could sit and chat, and he asked if I wanted to go talk in his office now. I said yes, and that was the best decision I could have made.

Never be afraid to create bonds and friendships with faculty, staff and administration at your school. They want the best for you and are there for you in a way that previous faculty and staff at schools haven’t been before. My dean is someone I trust wholeheartedly and who has gone above and beyond for me in my short time here and I am so thankful for him and everything he has done for me.

My friends are wonderful and I am so thankful for them always being a phone call or text away but have an outside person to talk to and get advice from truly made a difference.

It felt good to unload everything I had been feeling. And he told me that I hadn’t had it easy the last few weeks and that he was sorry that I was feeling this way. Having that recognition, that validation that I was normal for feeling the way I did made me feel like I could breathe again. My friends would tell me this but it was hard to believe they truly meant it because of how messed up I was feeling. I know they truly did mean every word and I am so blessed to have them in my corner.

Later that day I talked to my best guy friend here at school and again unloaded on him, this time more messily (crying and anger and heavy breathing and all) but it was cathartic. And that night I got to go out and see a band I had never heard of play at a local bar with some friends and it was just what I needed to get out of my own head and feel whole again.

I am still feeling a little raw and sensitive and I’m not 100% back to my normal, loud and talkative self but I feel much lighter now that I’m not holding it all in anymore.

Never feel afraid to share with someone you trust how you really feel. Even in a high stakes environment like law school, especially so, please find someone you can go to no matter what. Whether that’s a classmate, a friend back home, a teacher, a faculty member, who ever. Never feel like you can’t go to someone because I promise you you can.

It is totally ok to feel like you don’t have it all together, and to feel like you’re drowning. I know I did and I felt so much better after I let it out.

If you ever feel like you can’t handle it, and don’t know who to go to, find someone, see if your school has a mental health center with counseling available to students, or come to me. Don’t hesitate to email me if you ever need a virtual hug, I got you.

Just because law school is intense doesn’t mean you should let go of yourself and but yourself on the back burner. Now more than ever is the time to create a solid support system for yourself. And never be afraid to let someone see the vulnerable, scared, sad side of you. It’s extremely cathartic to cry and scream at the wall or into the pillow. Let it out and Let it go.

You got this, I believe in you, keep your head up and shoulders back and keep pushing because all this will be so worth it in the end!

Thanks for reading!

xo Kayla